WILLINGLY BECAUSE I HAVE TO…WILLINGLY BECAUSE I WANT TO..

So today I worked with a sister in a particular house.  She is one of the sisters that came out with me from the MTC.  She is older and she and her husband struggle to learn all of the things that have been required of us.  Heck, I have struggled and still do, but she is 16 years older than I am.  I have a great admiration for her and her husband and have seen how hard it has been all through this process. She has had a terribly hard upbringing, which I think includes poverty and lack of education as well, which make measurable differences in one’s life. She confided in me that she cannot write!  She has never had any computer skills and in this day and age that is a definite hindrance. Can you even imagine?  She is here on sheer grit and works with all of her effort, some times a little abrasively, but so hard none the less. I have a great appreciation and respect for what she is doing.  Some little spark of something I see in her reminds me of things that I have seen in my grandmothers and in the people who have come before me.  JUST SHEER HARD WORK AND DETERMINATION.

There is a song that we sing in Rendzvous that starts out, “ willingly because we have to.”  I know that is the way I felt before coming here.  This was mostly Richard’s idea.  I have basically come along to be a good wife and companion, The timing was not right in my mind.  I did not want to be away from my parents or my children and grandchildren.  I cannot think about it or it still causes me great anxiety.  I still struggle, but I am here now “willingly,” because I want to be the best that I possibly can be to show gratitude to my Heavenly Father for my blessings, and to be the best person that I can be for Him.  I do so want to be what He desires of me, but I am still working on the “want to.”

I have the opportunity to hear  many peoples stories here.  Believe me when I say that everyone has their struggles.  No one has a perfect life, and no one’s life is “fair.” I guess that however, is one of the purposes to our lives.  Making the best of who and what we are, Coming to understand the real purpose behind our being here on this earth and loving and serving others to the greatest extent of our ability. In other words, to become more like our Savior.  I hope that I am in the process of doing that.  I know I am trying.

Living in this world today is not easy on many accounts, There is an elder here that is in the beginning stages of Lou Gehrig’s disease.  He is a welder and Richard says he is up every morning and working by 7 AM!  You can tell that he is beginning to struggle with issues, but he is here Willingly.  There is a sister that has just gone home with a tumor on her brain, she was here willingly.  Several people have lost children to death.  They are here serving and showing great faith, willingly. Others struggle with children who have left the church and are suffering great misery because of loosing their way.  So many of the couples are not in their first marriages, suffering through death or divorce.  But they are here willingly trying to progress in faith. 

This causes deep reflection on my part.  The last four years of our life have been some of the hardest trials I have been called to bear.  We still struggle with consequences of decisions on others parts that we have no control over.  All I can do is pray and ask for the Lord to direct our paths, keep us close and comforted, and let love abound in our lives and in our homes and families.  . There is a quote by Lucy Mack Smith, the mother of the Prophet Joseph Smith.  When Joseph and Hyrum were martyred in the Carthage Jail, she felt as though the Lord had forsaken their family.  She had 8 sons and was outlived by only 1 of them.  Such heartache.  They all suffered much because of the Gospel and their family’s part in the Restoration.  Wilford Woodruff gave her a blessing of comfort and peace and she was able to continue on, faithful until the end of her life.

  When I get home I will be putting this quote on my wall.  That is the greatest desire of my heart, that we do watch over, pray for and comfort one another, that we may all sit down in heaven together.  That I will do WILLINGLY!